Friday, August 22, 2014

Perpetual Nausea = Writing

Being a writer is the condition of perpetually being in a state of one of the following:
-Pre-wrting nausea
-Writing nausea
-Rewriting nausea
-This Is The Best Thing Ever Written And Why Isn't It Published Yet? nausea
-This Is The Worst Thing Ever Written And What Am I Doing? nausea
-Pre-submission nausea
-Post-submission nausea
-Waiting to hear back from submissions nausea
-Pre-publication nausea
-Post-publication nausea
-Trying not to read online comments nausea
-Well Shit I Read Them Anyway nausea
-This Is Not As Good As I Remembered It Being nausea
"What's the status of that book you wrote?" nausea
-Interpreting agent emails nausea
-I've Written Nothing in Six Months nausea
-I'll Never Write Again nausea
-I Wrote This And It Needs to be Published Immediately nausea
-Upon Further Review, This Thing I Wrote Really Sucks nausea
-People Are Sending Me Nice Emails and I'm Overwhelmed nausea
-People Are Sending Me Nasty Emails nausea
-Nobody Knows Who I Am nausea
-Random People On the Internet Know Who I Am nausea
-My Boyfriend's Mom Googled Me nausea
-Pre-reading nausea
-During-reading nausea
-Post-reading nausea
-Being asked to read nausea
-Knowing I'm reading something three months from now nausea
-Lots of people are reading this essay nausea
-Nobody is reading this essay nausea
-People know way too much about me because of the personal shit I write nausea
-People think they know a lot about me based solely on my writing nausea
-Writing while too hot nausea
-Writing while too hungry/full/thirsty/drunk/tired/angry/cranky/bored/frustrated nausea
-Trying to write and nothing works nausea
-What the Hell Am I Doing? nausea